...Unspoken

...its been a while since my last post. Been thinking a lot, and I really mean a LOT lately. Don't know why I am on a hot seat this past few days!I was caught unprepared and prepared at the same time. Between saying a yes and being speechless. Between keeping safe and taking chances. Between giving in and holding back.

...Chances was not that just easy to be given to anyone for it means a lot from the one who gives. I am afraid that the moment  I gave in I can't have an assurance that I will not have pain in return. Maybe I am just focusing on taking!more on taking...but believe me, it's hard to trust someone and believe that they will not hurt you for I have experienced how I was left hanging just by believing and trusting...its not always easy to mend not only a broken heart but also a broken self!It's not easy to forget what you have love and is a part of  your life and youself.

...He really caught me off guard or maybe I choose to not to believe for it is easy to keep myself oblivious of the fact that what he is saying is true and I need to face it!That what he is trying to make me understand is also what I am afraid to face and what I have choose to not to believe.Never know that he would say it right in front of me and right in front of everyone!This person really gave me a hell of things to think about. Who would have believe!hai...


...It's really hard when you had already made up your mind that something is not for you and that you are already locking the door behind you then all of a sudden someone come up for he got the key and worst make you believe that what you are trying to leave behind you can be a good one. Make you believe that somehow taking chances and risking is not that scary anymore. Making you to want to trust someone again. Giving you the feeling of believing that somehow he is what you have been waiting. That somehow he could be the one you longed to be with. That somehow he could be a person that can complete yourself. That he could be that person you always dreamed of. the Person that you thought never existed. The person whom you thought was never to come your way.


...Just a question answerable by YES or NO made me really speechless until now. Not my usual self. Never know that it takes someone like him to make me speechless and awed at the same time. Hard because right at that very moment when he is asking me I could not even digest what he is saying. I could not think clearly on what to say or what he is saying. I was prepared and unprepared at the same time! Too much of a deal!Too much of expecting that all the while he is just joking and that he doesn't mean every single thing he said for it can be easily accepted and it is easy to digest if everything was just a part of his trip than to make myself believe that he is actually saying a truth!


...I never know what he sees in me after all this maybe years that he feel that way!hai...Never know what he made me see to feel this way!kinda scared about this. It's between taking chances and keeping safe again. If only I could turn back time and wish that right at that very moment when he is asking me I could say YES but maybe this was just another regret. Maybe he would just remain as my found and lost one!hai..."Started over coffee, started out as friend, funny how from simple things the best things begin...and sad how from an unspoken word everything was lost! :( ...If only I could say it in front of you just like what you have done but I just can't..Fear always hold me back. :(

...The moment that you will look into my eyes i'm afraid that I would  give in. But I know right at this time you are already trying to leave everything. Why do you made me feel this way. Or maybe I should say, Why did I let it all happen. That fear will come first and that fear will hold me back in reaching for my happiness. hoping that you will never give up just like on how you keep everything in yourself afterall this years. If chances was given I would like to gave it to you. Sad thing is that you will never be able to know this. You will never be able to know what I feel. For I'm good in keeping it to myself. Or am I?

...I'm just asking you to not to give up and to try just one more for I will never let you down again. Fingers Crossed!

...labelled

• 
  
  Happy Father's day! :)

3rd week of June marks a special day of the most important man in our life!I admit I was never that close to papa... but maybe I just misses him a lot!I may not be able to show and say it but, Happy Father's day pa!love you a lot... :) Papa would always said that I am his most beautiful daughter and "Pinakamaldita"...hahaha...He is always my number 1 admirer except of course from lola and he would never fail to  notice my bad moods, tantrums and "ka kulang sa pansin", and everytime, he would always tease me 'til i'm ok!Never forgot to prepare a coffee for me though I should be the one preparing for him and not the other way around. Never failed to be the father I always loved.

• 
  
  Home Sweet Home!

 Don't know why all of a sudden I misses home!After attending a second mass 'cause I happen to wake up late but good thing i'm not late at the second mass, I just wanted to go home. I wanted to greet papa since it was Father's day, but, my sister doesn't permit me to go...But after a while she allows me to go!hahahaha...I almost cry in front of my sister!hahahaha...

After and hour of travel, I got home but mama wasn't there since she's off to school for she has to do some cleaning for her classroom!I just intended to pass by before I go back to Bacolod but, things just change...plans do change...I never left for bacolod that day...hehehehe...I find it hard to leave when i am talking with Dwight and Happy!hahaha...I miss talking to them...and I miss those bonding moments with Dwight!Just wanted to share a funny experiene with "manang" while we are walking home from school together with Dwight!

We happen to pass by a Horse and Dwight out of non sense told me, "Nang Dawn, dako2 nga kanding ho! (while pointing at the horse)". I, in return answered him, "Aling!indi na kanding...ido na Dwight!"hahahaha...then, out of nowhere "manang" keep mumbling words and telling us that it is not goat nor a dog but a horse!hahahahaha...hai c manang!hahahaha...i couldn't help myself but to laugh...and the funniest part is that, we keep walking fast as to get by with her.As we are nearing her, Dwight again said,"gravity ang kanding d nila Nang noh????dako2 gd yah!', allowing manang to hear our conversation so I reply with a loud voice, "nd ah, ido na ya Dwight!". And then again,hai c manang!nagsabat na naman!hahaha...This time she was already facing us and explaining that it is a horse and it is bought by someone( as if we care while we are trying to conceal our laughs!)hahahaha...really funny!moral of the story: Never ever join in someone conversation if you're not involve and if you don't know the whole story!hahahaha...you would ended up to be a laghing stock!(Right Manang whoever you are?)hahahaha....

• 
  
  Destiny

It was just a simple phrase "you'll never know who you'll end up to" coming from me that mama answered back, "destiny is not a matter of who you will end up to but rather whom you decided to end up with and it goes with determination".This was the first time that we ever talk about "love", I just then realize that me and mama have a different views when it comes to it.Me, I really believe in fate, serendipity, destiny or whatever you called it but on mama's point of view, it's your choice that matter!It made me think twice, really happiness is a matter of choice, it takes determination to win, it takes a good decision for your happiness, anyway it is still your happiness that is at stake but no matter what there will always be that special someone meant to you that will completely fill what is missing!

• 
  
  Stranded

Good thing is, this time being stranded was not that bad at all because I know you'll always be there!

I am always been afraid of taking chances, of risking, of failing and hurting myself in the end for I know that it is really hard to move on and it is always hard to forget.Maybe I just needed someone who will make me fell secure. Who will make me fell he is worth taking chances and risking 'cause maybe somehow he's always been what I have been waiting for.And maybe by that I will not be afraid anymore for i know he is worth it!

Only Exception :) ...don't know if this one exist but i'm hoping that there is! :)

Now I know why on earth something's pulling me to come home for it takes a home sweet home to be stranded with destiny on a Father's Day!

:)

...alone

...Thinking still if i'm going to delete this blog, but for now love to post a blog! :)
 

I was alone this morning at the office, need to finish a presentation for next Tuesday meeting and I will have to extend for an overtime 'till afternoon! Kinda feeling weird right now!hahahaha...maybe I was just imagining things...and I'm kinda good about it especially if it means frightening my self!hahahaha...really...I am kinda bit scared!hai!music, blogging, working on my presentation and a facebook can be of great help!

...Need to focus on my presentation for me to finish it for a checking on Monday!haiz...many work to do but  focus was not my piece of cake! Eversince that was not my cup of tea!hahahaha...maybe i'm hungry!hahahaha...but seriuosly I couldn't completely focus on something...I couldn't do one job at a time...I usually divert my attention!hahahah...as if multitasking???its just that I get bored easily everytime I put my full attention into something and worst I've got a headache!

...Just in an instance I remeber everytime I attended mass be it together with my family or sam or alone I couldn't focus on the gospel!hahahaha...maybe I could just rate it to 75%!Am I too bad???its just that I couldn't completely focus!hahahaha...except if Father Gary is the one on the altar and preaching!hahahah...I usually think everytime he is talking (and this time I lose focus already!) why on earth this person doesn't have a wife and a family!Yeah I know that he is a priest but he is also awesomely handsome!hahahaha...got a crush on him!He speaks clearly, has a mesmerizing and charming face!haiz!hahaha...just thinking about Father Gary, I think I needed to attend mass tomorrow!and I mean First Mass!hahahaha...ang bait q!Toinkz!

...Good thing Hua Ming (Queen of Peace Parish Church) firsts mass is around 6 or 6:30 am which doesn't require me to wake up too early!hehehehe...I promise I would attend mass tomorrow and be back at sleep after that!hahahaha...need to regain my will power!(asus!)hahaha...

...anyway need to be back on my presentation! :)

...Untitled

...don't know what it is that I am feeling right now...hai!seems like I am in an emotion overload!don't know what to post!This I think is the first time that I am completely clueless of what I would like to write...don't know!Maybe I should delete this account already...seems like I'm pacing off to something I don't want to be with...haha...emotional turmoil this is!

...hahaha...pasan q ba mundo ngaun?I think not!hahaha...feel q lng magdrama ngaun!  Seems like many instances in my life that I do regret...wishing that I have done something else and thinking that maybe it will make me happy...haiz! I usually points out that there's no use crying over spilled milk but I forget to put it into actions!hahaha...I'm totally insane!

...Wish I am more expressive and daring enough to take risk and take chances that had happened to passed...I realized things in a very unexpected manner...when I have the courage to face my fear of lossing someone and hurting myself in the end, I had already lost it...I had already lost him...I had already hurt not only myself but him!hai...sapagkatig-a pa mn dn sng ulo!hahaha...(Shing d na mgcomment! remmember curiosity kills the cat!)

...But really, If I wouldn't be given a second chance I would be thankful that you had loved me once without me knowing what you see in me!hahaha...Thank you for seeing the me that you know for so long that even me doesn't know! :)...lain2 b xa paminsaron mo!but I know you have all your reasons... ^_^

...Don't know if I should post this one or not. After a long deliberation on my mind I have come out with this one. Many attempt of having a new post but seems like my mind is drifting off everytime I tried to...hahaha...gapanglugayawon!I was totally black out!Don't know what to post everytime I am in front of a computer...something is holding me back...don't know what, don't know why!I'm totally shifting into another perspective wherein I couldn't return!hahaha...Last trip was finally off..worst it won't come back and no other means to follow and i'm stuck into waiting or not!

...Why I am always ended up into waiting and holding on. Guess this is the consequences of my fear of risking...fear of taking chances and fear of hurting myself but in the end I still hurt myself for not doing anything when I could have done something, should have done something!Still, there's no point in crying over spilled milk!

... til next time if I happened not to delete this blog! :)

...

...It's a total mess! I'm in a total mess!

...112

"The Filipino is worth dying for"

...What it takes to be a Filipino?A question that most of us doesn't know how to answer, even me...it doesn't end as a naturally born citizen with a Filipino parents, being a Filipino takes an extra responsibilty.I have read an article about being a Filipino and these are just an excerpt

...I am a Filipino because I point by using my lips because it is rude to use your finger to point on to something

...I am a Filipino because I dip my bread on my coffee or milk because it taste good

...I am a Filipino because I uses a "Tabo" because as you can see it can save more water

...I am a Filipino because Ninoy Aquino said " The Filipinos are worth dying for"

...I am a Filipino because I choose to be a Filipino!

...This lines from the article that I had read really stick on my mind...maybe because this lines elevate me as a Filipino but no matter what, I am proud to be a Filipino, because I am a Filipino, right for my heart...right for my mind and right for my spirit (hahaha.. IT T-shirt Tag Line) and by that i'll take the responsiblity of being a Filipino as well as its consequences... :)

... A happy 112th Independence day to everyone! Be proud that we are a Filipino...In mind, In words and In deed...

"you'll never know until it happens"

...tip-tap!

...actually I don't have something to post!haha...ala lng...feel q lng mgblog paki nu???haha

...this is one of my pointless and empty blog!haha...tinatamad aqng mgblog but I just can't help to open this site and try to squeeze my mind in order for me to post!hahaha...seems like I have many things in mind but I just don't know what!Got so many work to do but don't know what has gotten into me that i am spending my time blogging...

...anyway, kinda funny when a friend tag me a note concerning about the 99 secrets a girl should know about guys, don't have any intentions of reading it all but what really caught my attention is the number 39 " a usual act that proves that a guy likes you is when he teases you"...I was taken a back when I read this...is it true???can anyone answer this???guys out there...is this really is true???hahaha...rapz kindly analyze this one if ever you happen to pass by...hahaha :)

...its already a start of rainy season and a reigning of Lakers in 2010 Conference!hahaha..kinda sure about it!it would cost me 1,500 in cold cash if I am not sure!hahaha..."Hugot pg2o q xa lakers" 3rd famous line!hahaha...I know that Lakers will win this Championship...not this time for the Celtics...don't like the boastfulness of Rondo and Allen...hmp!as if kaya nu si Kobe...

...Wishing that it would rain when i got home from the office (since it would just pour during lunch break and would stop after office hours) so that I can have a shower!hahahaha...really misses the time when i was just being carefree...those times that I would chill under the heavy rain and laugh at the same time at myself!hahaha...so childish of me...but how I wish I didn't grow up when all I could do was just play a paper doll and enjoy life in my innocence!

Aw!hahahaha...just a little mistake on the pics!hahaha...I forgot innocence has long been forgotten!hahahaha...they're cute! :)

 

...don't have something in mind..quite busy chatting on my fb account, working on Sir Mike's presentation and blogging...hehehe...multitasking!haha...wishing it would rain after i got home for a chilling afternoon til night rain shower!haha..this for now! :)

...making things right!

...Starting to make things that seems impossible possible, don't know if I was taking every steps right but at least I have tried...

...This was my first time to say sorry to a friend knowing and accepting it was my fault and I hurt him for all the time I was the one that they need to please..guess I need someone as hard headed, stubborn and insensitive as I am to realize that I do make mistake and I should be responsible for it...if ever he will not accept my apology at least I have tried to say sorry...I have eliminated the possibility of regret that I don't make a move to make things right and okay!Hoping against hope that he will accept it! (Fingers crossed ":)

No one walks into the future backwards

...Guess needed to let go...It won't do me any good if I still keep on holding on even though there's nothing left...it's hard knowing that you need a closure but I guess there is no closure since there were never the two of us...I did Love you but I guess I need to love myself now for it hurt me knowing that you never did...never blame you for that but it hurts a lot!never blame you for playing along since I let it happen, but I do hope that I never did...you would always put a smile oin my lips everytime I remember you but I need to forget every single thing that hurt me before I could smile again...

...I would always treasure the moment you happened to pass into my life...you would always be my treasured memory...just needed to let it out for I know I couldn't say it straight to you..I needed this for myself...don't know if I will still wait for you for I am afraid that the person I am waiting had long gone and is happy with someone else... just be happy wherever you are..choose to be happy! :) ...hope you know that it was you...it will always be you!

...need to focus on work now!maybe it would take me a long time to have an update but i'll try to...just needed to focus in restarting my life and updating my self in to a much better version of me!haha

:)