...I've never been into this situation before that's why it is so hard for me to cope...felt like crying at this moment without even knowing the reasons why...
...It's somewhat a feeling of a loss...don't know what a mess is going on with my life...felt like every single thing is falling out of their proper places...all I wanna do is just think and think and think without knowing what to think...
...This I guess is my most lowest time...need to get out but don't know what I am running for...I'm very tired of running, hoping against hope, waiting for someone or something when I know it was all gone, it was all finish and he's not coming back!
...Something's missing within myself and probably in my life but I refused to give in...I refused to make things right...don't know what's holding me back...I really need someone to listen but I guess we're all too busy and preoccupied and I i'm afraid to let them see the real me that was hurting too bad...
...I guess it's a fear of losing myself the very first time that I give in...the very first time I face the reality...the very first time I would make things right and says things that should have been said the moment it did happen...don't want to change the me that I have built and known for, for I know that changing a bit of me will welcome all the pains and insecurities I have longed kept...
...Never wanted into this situation but maybe I should be blame...if I never let anyone come near me and slowly take all those defenses I built, I guess, this should not be happening now!...I was better off keeping myself safe and not taking any chances for I know it won't do me any harm even though it means not meeting you in anyway!...it's far better that way...far, far better...
...don't know where I should start fixing things over...guess I needed space and time...worst, I haven't know what I should fixed or maybe I am really afraid to face the sad reality that there is nothing left...there is nothing to hold on and to want to...it's really sad when things started to fall right in front of you but you can't do nothing about it but to stare and feel the pain of lossing every single thing you have dreamed and wished for...that once it makes you really happy, that once, you wanted to make the time stood still for you to just prolong the moment...never know if that moment can happen again...but I wish, it could...that's the only thing that I guess I can do...
...wish and dream that someday everything is gonna be okay and that everything will fall into its right places much better than where it is before...
...it is just a simple thought: lossing someone I guess I never had for once...and lossing when I know I could have done something to make it right!
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