...emptiness

...floating in the midst of nothingness..in a point of no return!
...wondering about regrets and thakfulness...
...waiting but wanted to let go...
...holding on but slowly drowning...
...keeping but still lossing...
...wanted to look back but afraid to face the reality...
...reality that slowly breaking me into pieces...:|

...Northern Negros Tour

...This was my first trip that was really unplanned...just a text from Sheila and then we're on our way to the most exciting trip I have ever experienced I guess!

...From Bacolod to Pandanon Resort

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  Just take a one hour and a half dip at the pool...enjoying the coldness of water as if you are taking a dip on an ice...hahaha...really cold!even sam couldn't take it!hahahaha...it was really fun especially that only the 3 of us were left on the pool since everyone is preparing to go home....
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  at around 4:20 pm we take a shower and change for we are up to the next destination
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  But, before the next destination, sheila take a break by stopping by at the sing-a-long to sing "Nothing gonna change my love for you"hahaha, and me and sam bought some Santol from the resort...it was for Daycor!
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  at exactly 5:23 in the afternoon we are heading at the Don Salvador View Deck.

...Don Salvador Benedicto's View Deck

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  This part I think was the most exciting and enjoyable part!we are riding at a Don Salvador Public Transportation non other than....the Jeep!hahahaha...it was really mixed emotions...imagine you could feel the fear that you might fall from the hill, enjoying at the same time the view that Don Salvador Benedicto's Mountain can offer, excitement that we are nearing the View Deck where in you can see the falls from the other mountain as we're standing at the other side...
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  the Most Funny I think is that we happen to pass at the Don Salvador Benedicto's municipality proper...it was really really small to the extent that you wouldn't think that it is their municipality proper!hahahahahahaha...
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  another is the feeling that you wanted to push the jeep because you are thinking that it might fall from the hill and the amusing part is that it was only me and sheila who can feel it...the other passengers doesn't care...maybe I guess because the are used to it and for me and sheila it was our first time...and i commend those people of Don Salvador Benedicto...they are really approachable and hospitable...

...next destination: Don Salvador Benedicto to San Carlos City

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  This trip to San Carlos I think was the highlight of our Northern Negros Trip....
• 
  
  Whoever said that Don Salvador Benedicto is not a good destination at night is really really wrong!It was the most spectacular postcard picture perfect view I had ever seen plus a free roller coaster ride and a fog during a night trip to San Carlos City!
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  Don Salvador Benedicto is a manifestation of God's magnificent masterpiece!God is really amazing...it is as if you are standing in a skyscraper overlooking at the city below but the only difference is that on both side you could see the spectacular view of Don Salvador's Mountain and a fog encircling you with a cool breeze of midnight air!
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  During the duration of the ride I could really say that the Ceres Bus driver is really good in doing their job...imagine how the mountains of Don Salvador is similar to a roller coaster ride with a fog to blur their vision but they still manage to handle it. Kudos to the Ceres Bus Driver!haha

...Next Stop: San Carlos City

• This time we have able to experience the hospitality of the people of San Carlos City...warm and affectionate peolpe they are especially if they know that it was your first time to be there ('tually it was my 3rd time)...
• We didn't make it to the last Trip off to Bacolod City since we arrived at the terminal around 6:50 pm and the bus left exactly 6:30 pm...so without further ado we went to San Carlos City Port courtesy of course of the pedicab Driver...hehehehe...we had a glimpse of the San Carlos City proper but not too much...manong driver wanted to tour us around the place but he is afraid that we couldn't make it to the last trip at the pantalan so he drives along while discussing at the same time the places we happened to pass...it was  a fun ride...especially that he is speaking cebuano and all the while I could not understand every single word he is speaking but fortunately sheila understands...hahahaha...imagine the word tuyok-tuyok means libot in hiligaynon and pinkas I think piyak...hahaha...I just love to listen to their words and intonations but I don't really understand!hahaha...(Loy ngaa ala mo q gn train mghambal cebuano ya hw???hmmm)
• San Carlos City Port...I have nothing much to tell for I guess I was too tired right at that moment...hehe...but one thing I will surely remember is the full moon over looking the ocean...seems like I am in a romantic film where in there is a full moon, a cool breeze and a romatic scenery EXCEPT Tom Cruise was not there to be my leading man!hahahaha...hai!
• at last the barge arrived and we're off to Bacolod City at around 8 in the evening...

• we ended our tip at exactly 12:00 midnight...tired but we did enjoy!
   

       Maybe this could be my last trip but I will treasure the moment...wishing that rapz was here and wishing that he did enjoy and experienced what we had experienced...this was one of my treasured moment...

...Dumaguete City wait for us there! :)

...a Journey that begins w/ a pennyless

...hahahaha...kinda funny!really funny..never know I could actually walk that far under the blazing heat of the sun just because i forgot to bring just seven pesos!hahahahahaha...what a hell of experience...fun, surprising, tiring and enjoyable experience indeed1

...ANYWAY...

"If a bird may love a fish, where would they live? who will get the fins, and who will take the wings?"

...this really amaze me!just had a passing conversation with Nang Helen about this qoute...actually when I firts read this one I was just taking it literally...but then, after that conversation I realized that it has a more profound meaning...u cannot really identify things on a first instance or just by passing...

...it defines the differences of two persons alike and the maturity to give and take as well as sacrificing things to be happy..."it's the differences that makes love exciting" >>>Babe I love You tag line...hehehehe...guess it defines it all!

...on a differrent point of view, it also defines friendship, no one is oblige to sacrifice but everyone should...hahahaha....

...realize it now!I was not oblige to sacrifice but I guess I need to...for me to save the friendship that was built through the help of coffee and because I don't want to loss everything we had shared!...

...I choose to be happy and by that i take the consequences of being happy! :)

...this time I realize and i know better!

...hahahaha all because I don't have nothing ot do at this office right now and because of that passing conversation!...hahahaha

..yeah i know shing that you would be happy because of my decision!

...tanx for the birds and the fishes!waa

...maybe now you can accept that my paasion for having a fish can be lucky and good for you as well!hahahaha...gotta buy another fighting fish, angelhorn and a tiger fish maybe...but first need to order new aquarium!hahahahaha...kinda excited about it! :)

...what a nice day to end this week! :)

...drifitng off to the ocean of nothingness!

...I've never been into this situation before that's why it is so hard for me to cope...felt like crying at this moment without even knowing the reasons why...

...It's somewhat a feeling of a loss...don't know what a mess is going on with my life...felt like every single thing is falling out of their proper places...all I wanna do is just think and think and think without knowing what to think...

...This I guess is my most lowest time...need to get out but don't know what I am running for...I'm very tired of running, hoping against hope, waiting for someone or something when I know it was all gone, it was all finish and he's not coming back!

...Something's missing within myself and probably in my life but I refused to give in...I refused to  make things right...don't know what's holding me back...I really need someone to listen but I guess we're all too busy and preoccupied and I i'm afraid to let them see the real me that was hurting too bad...

...I guess it's a fear of losing myself the very first time that I give in...the very first time I face the reality...the very first time I would make things right and says things that should have been said the moment it did happen...don't want to change the me that I have built and known for, for I know that changing a bit of me will welcome all the pains and insecurities I have longed kept... 

...Never wanted into this situation but maybe I should be blame...if I never let anyone come near me and slowly take all those defenses I built, I guess, this should not be happening now!...I was better off keeping myself safe and not taking any chances for I know it won't do me any harm even though it means not meeting you in anyway!...it's far better that way...far, far better...

...don't know where I should start fixing things over...guess I needed space and time...worst, I haven't know what I should fixed or maybe I am really afraid to face the sad reality that there is nothing left...there is nothing to hold on and to want to...it's really sad when things started to fall right in front of you but you can't do nothing about it but to stare and feel the pain of lossing every single thing you have dreamed and wished for...that once it makes you really happy, that once, you wanted to make the time stood still for you to just prolong the moment...never know if that moment can happen again...but I wish, it could...that's the only thing that I guess I can do...

...wish and dream that someday everything is gonna be okay and that everything will fall into its right places much better than where it is before...

...it is just a simple thought: lossing someone I guess I never had for once...and lossing when I know I could have done something to make it right!

...a deal and limitations

....it is in letting go that you learned to hold on

...I was never friendly...guess since I experienced how it is to be betrayed by a so called friend...many have said that a person is rich not because by their wealth but because of the love coming from their family and friends and but because they have many friends...well in  that case i'm poor, because as far as I know (and I'm counting right now!hehe), I have only more or less 20 to 15 person that I can say are my friends...these I know will stay no matter what...these friends I know, will be there for me...

...here we go again...many things to put but too few too mention...haiz!

...don't know what was wrong with me,for the first time in my life I wish I was not myself...haiz...for the first time ever I have insecurities that I never thought I had...wishing that I could change the way I used to be...it is just because of a person that I know I couldn't change and that I know was as stubborn as I am and probably more stubborn than I am...actually I was more than confused on how this person made me think that my "Bahala na" habit was not really a good one...if in love there is what we called a developed love, i think it has its own counter part in  friendship...the so called developed friendship or maybe I'm the one kinda thinking about it!hahaha

...for you to probably have a grasp of what I am saying here lets begin on how it all started...

...It all started with a coffee...'tually I'm the one who really love coffee but sadly I should stop know because it is not good for my heart as the doctor advices because he think I have a heart problem, haiz....me and sheila got along way to love coffee...I'm the one who influences her to love also coffee as well as with rapz...It is w/ coffee that we became friends with our barkada...actually we are classmates during our college days and who would have thought that we became barkadas because as you could see there is nothing common about us all but maybe we compliment each other with a litle help from a coffee...

...til now I could not think properly on how a simple "trip" would led to this complicated situation...I remember jireh's word when we are in college that when you hate someone it just narrow down to blaming all the mistakes to that someone as to keeping yourself free from mistakes...but how I wish I know who got the mistake...don't know who's to be blame ...don't know between "I should have stretched my patience longer enough as to avoid getting into this situation" or " he exceeded in the so called limitaions that we are in this situation"...

...this time I don't know if I should say sorry...really sorry is the hardest thing to say especially if you are badly hurt by the situation...maybe I just needed to cool things out but I don't want to lose the precious memories we had once shared and the friendship that means so much to me...this time wish my bahala na habit will not win!...

...now I know that letting go of the things that you get accostumed of will make you learned to hold on much much stronger...

...guess it just narrow down in two things... To let go and let my stubborness win or to hold on and take the risk oif hurting myself in the process...

...this time it takes me to change myself...

...enjoying lyf at its fullest!

...never thought that in lyf,  u lose some u win some...u need to let go for you to go on...you need to put down for you to pick something up....

...this past few weeks I think I've been busy thinking of unthinkable...hehehe...really, I never know what I've got until I finally get on my nerves to throw something i don't need...because of so many things that was left hanging and because of myself being busy wanting for something I don't deserve, I forgot that I really don't need them and they don't worth a bit of my attention and myself...

...anyway so much for the bitterness...yeah think its bitterness...

....last weekend we have a company's outing at Pandanon Resort in Murcia, but actually it is near Don Salvador since it is the last barangay before it and the river at the resort was the boundary...the place is really amazing...maybe a less amazing when talking about the view since I have already pass the place several times but the accomodation, the staffs and the place itself is really good...it was my first time to enjoy swimming at the resort's pool since I don't actually like having a swimming on any resort's pool because of the strict compliance on the outfit!hehehehe...all I could say is that it is very memorable thiniking that I have so many first time on this outing!

...this is my first time to have an outing without my family or friends...first time to  experience how it is to be out of place since in our group I am the youngest and its kindadifferent since their trip was different on mine...hehehehe...they are busy playing mahjong and cards while I keep myself busy taking pictures and laughing at myself...hahahaha...but its fun...I never thought that being out of place was this fun...hahahaha

...here are some pics of the trip to pandanon resort...

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  nay mar smiling and projecting like a child...hehehe

• the valmanage group without me since i'm the one taking picture and nang may ann...except also the two kids who are monica and rashid...they're fun to be with!

...don't have some of the picture since sheila doesn't uploaded it on my fb account yet...wish she could finish uploading those pics...

...we also had a night swimming last sunday night but I was with sheila, apple and sam...

...some pics during the night swimming at sta. fe resort!

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  having a nice dip and a pose at the kiddie pool...

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  a pose with sam and apple while sheila's taking a pic...

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  hahahahahahahaha...laughing hard at sam...nice something on your forehead!hahahaha....wish it could make you a nice kid not a brat!

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  sam, sheila and apple...peacefully!haha

Wish u were here rapz...u would surely enjoy...kinda miz u a lot!really!!hehe...:)

...on endings and begginings

...I've been thinking a lot this past week and I really realize many things, actually while writing this one I really don't have anything on my mind, I totally forgot what I supposed to write...hehehehe...but that just me, I tend to forget easily,but, not on everything, wish i could do that for me to forget those things that will just hurt me...oh well, everything's over now, now I know everything was just a game... he was just playing along and obviously I was his plaything...don't care anymore, all I wanna say to him is thank you!Many thanks for you...

...If not for hyou I wouldn't be able to expericene the pain of loving someone and in the end lossing them because he just don't love you, because he was just playing along, if not for you I wouldn't be able to move on and be strong...if not for you I wouldn't be the better me...If not for you I wouldn't be an envy to the eyes of many not because of you loving me but because I know that I am worthy to be with someone far better than you...Thank you for that realization...if not for you I wouldn't be able to see that I am lucky enough not to have you in my life for i am much much better with out you and I know that if you would be able to see me again you would regret that you did play with me once!you would be on the same place I was with but I wouldn't be there anymore!thanks to you!

...anyways, so much for that, maybe when rapz would read this he would say that I am being emo again!hahaha...but honestly, i misses him...hehehehe...miz the bonding moments with him together with sheila...they are the best of friends I never had, miz those times when we are teasing each other for not having a lovelife!hahahaha...miz those times when we are enjoying the outing together with the barkada!

...misses the time when we are having a coffee or eating mcfloat and chicken sandwich at mcdo since rapz likes mcdo while me and sheila really loves jobee...hehehe...I really misses those bonding times...haiz!Anyway, talking about jobee, rapz I am announcing this!SHEILA HAD A CRUSH ON ONE OF THE CREW IN SM JOBEE!!!hahahaha...his name is benj!after you come back from India we will go to jobee and i'll introduce you to benj!hahahaha...almost of the crew in SM Jobee knows us rapz...hahahaha

...maybe sheila's initial reaction would scream after reading this!hahahaha...peace shing! I'm just telling rapz!hahahaha...

...anyway I'm just doing this so finally you have your own lovelife EXCEPT from Richard Gutierrez!hahaha...really, I know that the guy you will love will be a very lucky one!imagine where can he find a person who is very loving, caring, and very very generous to the extent of forgetting herself just to make those person she loves happy!naks! I am sending you away shing that's why I am selling you here and displaying all your good qualities!hahahaha...but, I know those who really knows you will agree with me!right rapz???hehehe...

...anyway, I don't have something on my mind anymore, but come to think of it, the first paragraph on this blog is that I don't have anything in my mind and I guess it will still end this way!hahaha....:)

...on letting go and regrets

...I just kinda feel that I need to write something on my blog since it was almost 2 weeks I guess since my last blog, it's just that I have too many things that I felt I needed to write it down yet I couldn't...maybe this is the time that I felt bored with blogging anymore!haiz...it's bad!I don't feel like writing...ang daming gumugulo...mixed emotions, correct thinking, right and painful decision, haiz...even me is thinking that i'm kinda weird!really really weird...

...Felt like it's not good to publish this one but I just have to...

...Don't know why it's letting go and regrets!hahaha...ang gulo q na...maybe I just decided to end every single thing that makes me sad and makes me feel sad...so what if he doesn't greeted me on my birthday though it makes me cry, so what if he had move, i'm also moving on, so what if i he has someone, i'm very much contented of being alone and far from pain and heartaches...

...maybe I have long realized that there is no point in waiting but I just refused to accept the fact...refused to face the pain of lossing someone you longed to be with...refused to face the reality that you need to loss someone that you badly need and love because that's just it, because he had finally move on, because he just doesn't love you anymore!

...just trying to see the other side of the story...trying to convince myself that there is no point on holding on when I know that the person I am trying to fight have long gone and the fight was long over...

...I couldn't think anymore of what to write...hahahaha...naubos ang iniisip q...I just realized how happy it is to be single...how peacefull it is...I have always been dreaming of that prince charming who would rescue a damsel in distress...hahahaha...maybe it's true maybe not...but I don't care anymore...if he would come, then, good if not...it's good...I just don't need him anymore for I am not a damsel in distress and I know that I am matured enough to understand that in this world there are things  that you couldn't have and is better accepted than fighting for it yet you couldn't have them still...it will just make you suffer!

...just realized that in order for you to be happy and contented you should choose them...anyway happiness is just a matter of choice!

...in this world, things are better off accepted than understood!

...letting go is just so painfull but you have to! :-)